You see them go up to bat, their gold necklaces glistening in the sun.You see them after the basketball game being interviewed on television, their gold necklaces glistening in the lights.
Last night I watched Dwyane Wade being interviewed by David Letterman. He was dressed pretty casual. No gold necklace dangling from his neck. Then he turned his head. He had a huge gem glistening from his left ear lobe.
On the sports field, every team member is dressed the same. There is no way to show that you are a millionaire by your dress. Even the umpires and referees look better than you do. Of course everybody knows that the referees and umpires are not millionaires so they are not the problem.
Bill Gates does not have to have a gold necklace dangling from his neck. Everybody knows he has more millions than a camel has hairs.
Paris Hilton and Paul McCartney could walk around naked in the town park in Podunk, Iowa and everybody would know that they are millionaires.
But how can you tell if a sports star is a millionaire? Well, you look for his gold necklace.
Just seeing the necklace will tell you the income bracket of the star. If it is a chain that could hold a circus elephant like some of the big basketball players wear, the guy is loaded.
I noticed in Italy that guys driving Ferraris and Lamborghinis wore gold necklaces.
I could tell they were rich. The ladies with them put their noses in the air as they walk past me even though I was dressed in my best business suit. When you see that happen, you know the guy is really rich.
By the way, when you are in Italy and you walk out of the hotel and there is a guy carefully wiping a bird spot off his Ferrari with a silk handkerchief, don’t say anything at all. He sure as hell will not answer you if you say, “Nice car!”
I want to show my lost wealth since I don’t have wealth. I spent it in different ways. My boys all lived in foreign countries for a couple of years and went to college for eight years. Some then had internships. The same applied to my son-in-law. So, my money had a place and it wasn’t in investments.
But I did make my million. I just spent most all of it. And I want everybody to know that I could be a millionaire if I had saved some dough.
That’s why I’ve got to have a gold necklace.
A diamond earring is out. My wife would never put up with me have a diamond earring and my grandkids would think I was a freak.
Now I didn’t mean that I think that a man with an earring is a freak. Certainly not if he has a .350 batting average or shoots 15 baskets and 12 foul shots every game while getting 13 blocks.
I went and chose the 18 carat Gold Byzantine Necklace. It cost only $700.00. I was thrilled at the low price.
It would have cost more if it were 24 carat but it would not be durable enough for me when I’m out looking at my two horses. Who knows? I might be tempted to mount one of those beauties some day. I’ve lost 25 pounds on my Big Fat John diet so anything is possible.
I checked the bowl where I stash my change at night. Not much in there. But then I remembered that my wife takes the change from the bowl and put it in those little paper things you get at the bank for pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. I found her stash.
WOW!
I don’t need to buy that necklace after all. We’re rich!
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